Six Long Years
by spearofhope
Summary: I wish I could say that this was a Joke - an Intentional effort to hook you on a story full of mysteries only to feed you cliffhangers and then abandon it after the worst of them. But It Just kind of happened, and all we've got to show for it is an ill-advised story written by a stupid kid. Dreadfully sorry about that, won't happen again.
1. Discharged

Six Long Years

Spearofhope

October 28, 2008

Disclaimer: I do not own the Characters of the Silent Hill Franchise Portrayed in this work of Fiction. All rights are reserved by Konami Entertainment.

Summary: Six Years – Six long years have passed. And now the Streets of Shepherds Glen are not as Empty as he had dreamed, and the characters of his past he had seen so vividly slain still walk and stand and smile with the same Grace. But will he ever Find the Grace he lost on Toluca Lake?

I don't believe in rating stories M but this story is based off an M Rated Video game so what do you expect?

--

I'm sorry Josh….

As I turned and walked away from my deepest demon, a look on my face as blank as my slate, I decided then and there that It was Ok – Not that it had no repercussions, not that it was meaningless or that there were no ill effects, but… well I decided that it wasn't just going to be ok because it already was. Things were all set up, and I wouldn't need to worry about anything for a while. I gave Josh the flashlight so he wouldn't get scared, and I gave him back the ring, so I guess he would be content. I wouldn't have to get up to take care of anything anytime soon, maybe now I can get some sleep – wait, what? What am I saying? What's going on? Where am I?

--

Three white lights shone right in my eyes, and I blinked. The light was harsher than you would expect, almost as if I had been sleeping, or I had been in a cave for a while. The tunnels under silent hill hadn't exactly been Well lit, but… they weren't that dark… The room itself was poorly lit, and I glanced down. I was restrained, again. Was I having the same damn lucid nightmare? As I looked around, I noticed my head was restrained by some Contraption – the Same leather straps on my arms were wrapped around my head, and I could barely move. I breathed out sharply as I struggled with the Straps, but it was no use, and my head fell back against the surface beneath me. As my head rolled back, I looked straight up, and saw an atrium roof with a large Skylight, and at the head of this stretcher, a man, or rather an orderly, who looked down on me. A deep sense of Dread formed in my stomach, and I cried out, asking what was going on, where Josh was. For once, he seemed confused, almost frightened. He looked over, and I knew there was someone else in the room.

"It's not working…" said a voice to my left, that I felt that I should recognize. It sounded familiary, but very faintly, and I searched my memory for my ordeal in my hometown, and tried to remember my Grim homecoming. Nothing came up, except for the dim feeling of holding tightly onto something metal… and the smell of fresh dirt… and blood. Lots of blood, paired with an excruciating headache and the faraway sound of an air raid siren - esque Screech. I could barely grasp onto these few sensations as a dread realization dawned. My brows furrowed as I called out, louder "I didn't Go anywhere?" My voice cracked at the end of the sentence, and I knew there was no point in asking. The voice to my Left answered anyways.

"No Alex! And you Won't be going _Anywhere_ until you can start to Accept Reality AND responsibility!" the man said, as if personally angry with me. Again I wondered how I got here, and I remembered the distant noise of water behind the door of Room 206 in my recurring dream. I thought about where I was and what my father had told me when we 'spoke'. "No… Please don't!" I pleaded as the orderly brought two electric conduits down towards the harness on my head. Too many thoughts and questions flooded my head and I worried it might explode. "NO!" I screamed, the noises of my own voice and the machine blurring as my vision skipped and I heard to faraway sound of an air raid Siren. "Josh!" I tried to scream but failed, foam filling my mouth as electricity coursed through my body.

No… no, he's ok, right? Right? God… No… No, I-I can save him. I can… I can save him, I can save him! He's ok….

Alex Shepherd stepped out onto the running board of Adam Shepherds truck and dropped down to the pavement beneath, rubbing the back of his head slowly, trying to get used to the unfamiliar feeling of a shaved head, courtesy of numerous electroshock treatments. He glanced around the front yard, half expecting to see that outside the trucks confined area was a much more surreal work, and a tear nearly came to his eye as he saw a sunset of red and Gold at the end of his vision along the road he lived on, not hampered by a deep and deadly fog, and his heart seemed to burst at the sight of the houses lining the road for miles down, the Road smooth and uniform, and as he walked towards the door of his old home he smiled – There was no barbed wire on the door. That was victory in and of itself. Alex slowed, and the relief came bittersweet – he simply had to stop thinking like that. His ordeal was an illusion, a fantasy. And to simply react to its lack of presence is giving to much strength to his problems. Although having been discharged from Alchemilla hospital this morning, he still had a lot to work through.

His father walked a meter and a half behind and to the left of him, Silent. That was how he'd been much of the day – Meeting with the Chief of Medicine at Alchemilla for the Discharge of one of their longest patients, he had been silent, his face practically blank. Driving around Toluca lake to Shepherds Glen, he had been Silent. And now, his face as cold as stone, he was in the process of welcoming his only son back to his home. Just hours Earlier, Adam Shepherd's face was blank as he harshly scribbled his name on the paperwork releasing Alex from Alchemilla's Charge, each harsh stroke causing Alex to jump slightly in his chair. The only time even his face changed was when Alex collected his things from his room and he saw his old dogtags around the younger shepherd's neck. But now his face was Stoic, more stoic than His mother's face had always been, that cold careless face that even in his fantasy he had been unable to aid. Alex winced, and as he reached for the doorknob, remembered how easily his father found ways to take out his anger. If his father was this cold… then he didn't even want to know what had become of his mother.

He knew, however, that the slightest of pauses would cause Adam to become impatient, so he opened the door without pause, and gingerly took a few steady steps into the entrance room of his old home. As he rounded the corner and looked into the Family room, his heart skipped a beat. His mother sat rocking in her chair, looking out the windows in the circular inlet of the room. His eyes widened, but he breathed slowly, and he stepped into the room. He opened his mouth, and licked his lips. He breathed in and spoke, "Mom… I'm home." The emptiness of the room glared back at him as his words glaringly echoed around the room, mocking him. "Mom…" he repeated, stepping forward again, but the woman did not turn. "Lilian." Adam said firmly, and for the First time Alex heard his voice again. It had changed, Become Grittier. Alex guessed his old man had started Smoking again after he lost his kids. The sudden voice made Alex's Mother turn, looking at Alex with weary eyes. Her face was still smooth, and youthful, which struck Alex as Odd – after the ordeal they had all been through, both Alex and Adam were significantly affected Physically. Her voice was still soft, and Alex noted she had barely changed – if she had changed at all. But her skin was paler, nearly pure white, as if she had simply been in stasis all that time, shut out from the light.

"Alex?" she asked, and a shiver ran down his spine once again. He looked back to his father for support, guidance… anything, but found the same stone face. He shook his head, not bothering to think in retrospect and turn to his mother again. She turned and faced him, looking him straight in the eyes, and a knot formed in his stomach. He looked down, avoiding her Gaze, and he knew then that he would never be able to return to his life again. He blinked, and wondered why he even wanted to.

That night the newly reunited family had a frozen dinner, With the family beside Alex equally cold. Afterward, with nothing else to do Alex retired to where he would spend the night. He was sleeping in the den at the end of the hall – he wouldn't dare sleep in his old room – and though the Couch was far from comfortable, it was a wonderful improvement from the Thin-mattress beds of the hospital. As Alex stretched and tried to relax, thoughts kept returning through his mind – of Josh, of Silent Hill, Wheeler, Judge Holloway, but mostly, he thought of Elle. He crossed his arms, shifting to a more comfortable spot. He turned off the TV with a faint smile. Even after all they'd been through, the family still hadn't bought a new TV set. Darkness filled the room as a dog barked far off, and Alex twisted, his fists clenching. He shook the fright from him, and relaxed again, sleep slowly overtaking him.

In the morning, Alex stretched an old T-shirt over his much bonier frame and Went down the Stairs, the ever present haze he had felt in his nightmares absent with nothing but clear air between him and the well lit room. As he stepped onto the main floor, he looked around into the house and saw his parents in an adjacent room, deadly silent. Alex lifted his hand slightly, and cracked his lips to speak, "I'm…" he paused, his mouth dry, "Going out for a bit." He said. No reply. "See you." He tensed, and after a moment of silence went out the door. Anguish reared in Alex's Chest; he couldn't imagine his family ever becoming more relaxed about… anything. He could never imagine warmth returning to his home. He breathed out, and looked around. A bus passed him on the street followed by several cars. Far off he could hear car horns and music, and the morning sense of dread left him. He walked to the street and started towards main street, hoping to salvage the day.

Alex smiled as he passed by people on the street, nodding to them slightly, smiling. They stared and whispered, gossiping about the Shepherd boy who came back from the Asylum after killing his brother. The young man paid no heed, and enjoyed every inch of the road as he came up on main street. He bumped into a man exiting the hardware store at the corner, and took a moment to apologize. As the man walked off, grumbling to himself, Alex faintly smiled and stepped into the building, looking down the aisles of tools. The shop owner must've died or moved away since Alex had last been here, and a younger man sat behind the counter, quietly reading a magazine. Alex smiled – Although the Old man who owned the shop back in his childhood was half blind, he figured that it would've been easier for josh to shoplift from this disinterested character. Alex smile slowly slid from his face as he watched the man turn a page, and he looked down. A thought troubled him as the voice of his father echoed in his mind…

--

"He What?!"

Alex crossed his arms, looking down, The knot in his stomach making his hands shake. His father towered over him although Alex was already a teen and nearly as tall as the man – By Adam's Presence was as dominating as ever. Adam scowled, and Alex frowned, and considered answering the question. He couldn't, though, and silent rang in the room. The older man snarled, "What were you thinking?" he asked after a moment. Alex looked down, still not meeting the man's Gaze, "I don't know…" he said, but Adam narrowed his eyes, "That's not an answer, What were you thinking?!" he asked again, practically shouting. Alex opened his mouth a took a shallow breath, speaking again, "I don't… I guess I just…" he drew a blank, "I tried to stop him…"

Adam frowned, "Look Alex, I don't want you to EVER let Josh do something like that again, I don't want you Acting that Stupid again, do you hear me?! He is your responsibility when I'm not around, do you understand?!" he shouted, and Alex nodded, still looking down. "Go to bed." The Man said, turning and facing the window. Alex stood there silent for a moment, as Adam faced away, "Dad… I'm-" Adam turned, "Go!" Alex nodded, and looked up for a moment, before leaving the room and going over to his room.

--

"I do love my son, father! I love both my sons…. But I had to make a choice, and the only way to live with that was to make sure my son never loved me…"

At that point, Alex leaned against the wall of the Confession booth, shocked, His legs felt weak, and his head swam, as if he had been struck with a baseball bat. Any doubt he had had up to that point that the man in the booth was not his father were gone, and his mouth went dry.

"I had to make sure he would never feel… Joy… or Compassion… All the things that make life worth living." The man was clearly on the verge of tears, breaking over the guilt. "You must understand," he pleaded, "I was only trying to make things easier for him… and for me. And for this selfishness, I ask forgiveness." At the end of his words, a dread certainty came over the man's voice, and Alex knew that Adam was truly sorry. The younger man tensed, and a deep, relentless ache in his chest told him to shout in anger at the man's madness, at everything he'd done to him. But Alex looked down, and breathed out, and knew that that answer would only cause the feeling to grow, and never to die. "If you truly want forgiveness, then you already have it." Alex said, nodding. He meant it.

--

Now, Alex looked around the hardware store, and that same Ache filled his chest. He narrowed his eyes, and tears softly came to them. His mind was so broken, so starved for attention, that in his loneliest hours he concocted an apology from his father for all the pains inflicted on him. He had needed closure so intensely that he contorted the facts to formulate an entire mad plot giving his father a reason to hate his son. Alex looked down, and a tear fell to the ground as Alex crossed his arms across the black T-shirt, and closed his eyes. Adam Shepherd had ruined Alex's childhood and Life simply because the man hated him, despised him. Adam Shepherd had doomed Alex to be the black sheep simply because he thought the color suited Alex. Adam Shepherd did not love his son for no reason at all.

Alex opened his eyes and looked down the row of hardware tools and blinked, His eyes widening as they caught sight of something purely evil. A fear stole the ache from his heart, a fear so intense Alex nearly fell to his knees and screamed. Was he losing his mind again? Would he ever be sane? Or even worse... was he still sane? Was it real, was it really here? He turned and ran, not daring to look back at the end of the hardware Isle, not daring to look back at that rack of tools. Not daring to look back to see if the Circular saw still swung from that peg, dripping blood all over the tools beneath it.

__

**Wow, that was fun to write. I hope you don't mind the Cliffhanger.**


	2. Vicious Circle

**Wow! Due to… surprisingly good Reviews in quick succession, I decided to come back with Chapter Two, Post Haste!**

**--**

Alex rushed the outside of the Hardware shop, out of breath and practically hysterical. He stopped at the wall on the other side of the street, having run across the road and nearly being killed by woman in an Oldsmobile. The young man leaned against the brick wall, frowning. As he glanced to his left by chance, he saw a young girl, standing quietly by the plaques in front of Town hall, staring up at one of them. Shepherd tried to get his breathing under control by focusing on the scene, a trick he learned at the hospital. If he began seeing things, he would just stare at the most normal, general thing in his room and wait for the moment to pass. Sure enough, Alex was beginning to slow down his heart rate, and he managed a slight smile. He knew that it would take a long, _long_ time for him to ever regain any semblance of Normalcy. But as time and time again, almost unfailingly, things continued to simply be illusions, fading before his eyes as soon as he wished them too, Alex couldn't help but feel confident.

"It's going to be okay…" he muttered breathlessly, speaking quietly to himself. As he chanted the phrase repeatedly, his heartbeat faded from his hearing and he stopped sweating. He smiled again, looking back up at the store. The door was closed, and a sign had been put on it saying 'Out for Lunch' in hastily drawn script. Alex gave the world a sparse laugh that soon turned to a cough – Apparently he'd spooked the owner. _'I guess if a grown man running off in a fit is enough to cause a store to shut down, then Shepherds Glen really hasn't changed…'_ Alex thought to himself, his lean on the wall now more leisurely. It was true – It really hadn't. Shepherd's Glen was the same as it had always been, aside from trite changes to tiny details. Alex pushed himself from the wall slowly, yawning. It was almost as if he hadn't missed a moment in Shepherds Glen history. Alex glanced over to his left again, and saw the girl still stood there, looking perplexed. She wore a floral bright dress and stood with her hands crossed behind her back. Alex frowned and cocked is head, walking over to her.

"Hi…" he said, crossing his arms, "Are… you lost?" he asked lightly, his voice softer than usual as he frowned. "No…" said the girl, who was still staring at the plaque. "Then what's the matter?" he asked, his voice slightly deeper than before. He furrowed his brows and crouched, his now nearly a foot below hers.

"My name is on this…" she said, her arms falling back to her sides. Alex glanced up at the plaque, biting his lip. He glanced back at her, "You're… Scarlet. Scarlet Finch?" he stood. "I haven't seen you since…" She looked up at him, her face blank. "Are you all… You're bleeding." He said, himself now the confused one. Blood was running down her leg and into her socks and sandals, dripping onto the ground dully. "What– Are you Alright…?" He looked back at her face, still blank. "I'm supposed to be home by now…" she said turning and running back to Main Street, crossing with the light to the left side of the road. "Scarlet, wait-" he frowned, following after her a few steps. He glanced back at the stone slab, and glanced down. The white slate beneath the memorial was clean and smooth as ever, and where Scarlet had been standing, a pigeon stood, warbling slightly. It took off, and Alex frowned, worry crossing his face again. There was absolutely no blood where Scarlet had been standing, not even a drop. Alex quickly looked back down the street to Doc Finch's office. The door swung shut as the last of Scarlet disappeared into the building. Alex held his brow, shaking his head. "This can't be happening." He said. "What's going on?"

"Alex?" asked a female voice to the young man's side. He turned, and saw Judge Holloway. "Alex? I didn't know you were home…" she said, taking on a pleased, congratulatory tone of voice, accompanied by a pleasant smile. "Judge Holloway… hey-Yeah… Just got back...." He said, still a little shook up. "Does your Family know? They haven't-" Alex rubbed his temples '_This is just like at home…'_ He though worriedly,_ 'Do I really know these people that well? Everyone's acting exactly like they did in my dream…' _Judge Holloway must have picked up on his anxiety, because she turned her head, her smile fading slightly, "Is everything alright?" she asked, and Alex nodded, "Yeah, yeah, it's just… my Nerves." He said, "It's been an eventful day." Judge Holloway laughed lightly, "I'll bet."

Alex smiled. _'What could have caused me to think that such a sweet lady would be so sinister? Am I really that Closed off?'_ he thought briefly, but kept his smile. "To answer your question, yeah, I saw my parents. I'm staying with them. I don't know if I'll be staying long." He breathed out a sigh, and she nodded, "That's too bad. Well hopefully you'll get a chance to catch up with Elle. I'm sure she'd like to see you." Alex looked around, "Hopefully… Look, Judge Holloway-" She smiled, "You can call me Margaret. You're so grown up now." She laughed. A chill went up Alex's spine, and he visibly shivered, "Alright…" he said, his throat suddenly dry. He coughed, "Margaret. I need to ask you a few things…" She took a few steps past him quickly, then turned, "I'm sorry Alex, I'm in such a hurry right now, I need to get some work done down at the Police Station, and I'm very busy. But Elle and Nora Said they'd be down at the Coffee shop. I'm sure they'll answer any questions you have." She kept walking, her Heels clicking on the ground, "I'm sure I'll see you again soon!" she called off as the clicking faded away with the sounds of the bustling main street. Alex sighed, and sat on a ledge on the monument.

Alex brought his hands to his face as, for the second time in one day (in public) he began to cry again. In another world, another story, he had killed that woman, with his own bare hands. In that same world the girl he had spoken too not five minutes ago was also dead. Half the faces he had seen on his way here had been stolen and mutilated by his mind, then plastered up on a sheet of paper on a board in the dead town. '_God, I have to move on. God, I have to. But I can't… not here not around these people… But I need someone to help me, Damnit! And I don't know anyone outside this town. Why does everything in life turn out in a vicious Circle?' _He stood, straightening his back. He wiped his face and glanced around, breathing out again. His face turned solid, and hard, and he narrowed his eyes. _'No. No matter how hard it is, I have to stay here. I mistreated the only few people who loved me and it ended with Josh's death. I can't let that happen again. Like it or not, I need these people, and turning my back on them would be an insult to them. It'd be an Insult to _**Josh**_**.**__ So I'm staying here, no matter what.' _He started down Main Street towards the Coffee shop that sat next to the Police station and across from the Cemetery.

The thought that the crossing between the City Hall and the Coffee Shop would have involved a roundabout way up the road, through his Basement, through the cemetery and then back to Main Street (a trip taking in full around fifteen minutes) did not pass through Alex's mind as he practically stormed across the 50 foot trek down Main Street. His mind was almost blank, and when he arrived at the small, Independent coffee shop, but as he stepped up to the door he hesitated. He blinked, and realized he couldn't just storm into a Coffee shop and fire questions at his closest living friend from before. What was he thinking? He paced for a moment, worry dominating his thoughts. For God's sake, he had been in an Asylum for the past six years! He had killed his Brother, one of Nora's, and not to mention Elle's, Best friends! How could he possibly expect them to be any warmer to him than his parents had been?

All these thoughts and more rushed through Alex's head as he stood outside the bright windowed building, and he barely snapped himself out of it in time to see Elle Glance his way. Alex Swore, and ducked beneath the window of the store. "Damn it…" he muttered, "What should I do…" he mumbled to himself. He held his breath, and with a supreme measure of will, stood and opened the door quickly, stepping into the shop. He walked towards them slowly, the air conditioning of the building sending a chill breeze across Alex's bare neck. He put a hand to his face and winced before finally reaching Elle and awkwardly clearing his throat. Nora looked up first, then Elle.

"Alex! I'm so glad to see you!" Elle said standing and hugging him. Alex smiled and relaxed slightly, then greeted Nora in turn. She had been 9 when he left, and now she was a teen, looking a great deal more done up than Elle ever had at that age. "We had heard you were in town, and your Parents confirmed." The elder sister smiled, "How are you?" she asked, as if overwhelmed by thoughts, just as Alex had been moments before.

"Alright, I guess…" Alex lied, looking from face to face, "I'm surprised word spread so fast…" he said, dazed. "Well… you know." Nora said, looking from Alex to Elle, then back "In a little town like this there's not much to do, and… gossip is something to do." She grinned. Alex breathed out a sigh of relief, and nodded, "To tell the truth I was pretty worried about this… I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me…" he shrugged. Nora laughed, "Is that why you ducked down into the pavement outside the building?" Alex frowned, but soon they were all laughing.

Alex spent several Hours like that, talking with the Holloway sisters about how things had changed, what Elle was doing, and how High school in Silent Hill was going for Nora (Shepherds Glen did not have its own high school). Nora was dating, Elle was not, and Alex wondered silently why Nora had brought that up so suddenly and so intentionally. He shrugged it off, though, and simply enjoyed himself, and half the questions he intended to ask floated away from his mind within the first fifteen minutes. When the Afternoon was nearly over, they left the Coffee shop, and Nora parted ways with them;

"Sorry Alex, but I have to head down to the Library. I'll see you tonight." She smiled and waved. Alex and Elle said goodbye to the younger Sister and sat in front of the Police Station. "I don't remember making plans for tonight…" Alex said, looking at Elle. She shrugged, "Alright, you got me. It was supposed to be sort of a surprise, but…" she smiled widely, "The founding families planned a big 'Welcome Home Alex' Dinner at the Bartlett Vineyards tonight. Nora practically made us do it." She smiled, "She's really glad you're home… I'm really glad your home." She said, her smile softening slightly. Alex looked at her, his face showing worry, "Elle…" he said, and looked down, "I don't know what to tell you. I don't really know if I belong here yet…"

He glanced back up at her, the Woman's face lined with worry, "Several times today… I…" he frowned, "I don't know if I'm… fully sane yet." Elle frowned, "You seem alright to me." Alex started again, "Elle-" she stopped him, "Look Alex, I think you're alright. You seemed fine… You're probably only just… letting yourself get carried away." Alex frowned," what… do you mean?" he asked, confused. Elle sighed, "Do you ever remember Josh getting scared at night?" Alex looked down, nodding slightly, a huge burden suddenly pressing down on his heart.

--

"_Look, take it. If you get scared again, just turn it on. K?"_

"_Thanks Alex…"_

"_Yeah, Sure."_

--

"Well… I mean…" She frowned, "I'm sorry…' she shook her head, "I shouldn't have brought up…" Alex shook his head, "No, it's fine. I get it – A kid is scared of the dark because he thinks he should be… He knows that there's no such thing as monsters but the memory of a bump in the attic is more important than the silence before and after it. The fear of something getting me is more important than the fact that it just won't." he nodded, "Yeah."

Elle was silent for a full minute, before speaking again, "Don't go again, Alex. At least not yet." She was silent again, but then added, "At least come to the Dinner tonight. If you're not convinced by tomorrow, then… There's nothing I can say…" she said, looking down. Alex stood, "I'm going to change before the meal. Thanks for telling me, so I can at least look presentable." They laughed for a moment, before it was silent again, "I'm not going anywhere…" he said, and Elle nodded, looking up. "I'll see you later, Elle." He said, walking off.

"See you Later, Alex Shepherd." She said, though he was already gone.

**Sorry it was a little shorter than the last one but it seemed like a fitting place to end it, no?**

**And hey… Elle is a Police officer, Right? She was pinning up those posters, and she had a radio… I don't know, I just got that impression. Probably not… right?**


	3. You Shouldn't have come back, Alex

**Ok... I'm sorry it's been so long, I'm having trouble figuring out how to continue. I have an idea for what's going to happen, but I mean at the moment... I'm not entirely sure I still have the appeal of the last couple of chapters. If I do, please tell me! I'm afraid I've lost it.**

**--**

Alex had done just what he said he would – He went home quickly, jogging down the Street at a familiar pace. He arrived home and practically jumped up the stairs, reinvigorated from his Meeting with the Holloway sisters. Of all the things that had happened since he returned home, his meeting with Elle and Nora had been the only thing that seemed to welcome him home, and give him some comfort. He smiled and hoped that the Dinner tonight would do the same. He turned the corner and headed down the hall to the Den quickly, not even looking as he Ran right into-

"Alex…" Adam shepherd said, barely pushed an inch by Alex's rather frail body. Alex blinked and took a step back. "I'm glad I caught you…' he said slowly, "Get your stuff, we're going out to eat." He said slowly, and walked past Alex after a couple seconds of silence. Alex watched him descend the stairs.

Room; Shirt, pants. Slacks, buttonshirt. Tie. Jacket. Out the door.. Walking down the road, Alex took in the air. It was clear, a little brisk but not surprisingly so. A bitter Tear rolled down his Cheek.

"Dammit..." he muttered, turning and facing the wall almost awkwardly. He knew it was coming, but he wouldn't let it come. He couldn't Dignify the most Traumatizing experience in his life by Admitting it's Reality. _But it was real, Wasn't it? _He thought, trying to ignore the two people on the other side of the Road, looking at him. The back of his head bit forward, warning him that those two probably knew him, probably would tell his parents. _Damn this town._

It was going to come sooner or later, and he'd have to see just how real everything that had happened was. He took a few more tentative steps down the road and tightened his tie. It had to be Six Thirty by now. He was being Ridiculous, tonight was an important Night and he was ruining it. If he was gonna fight reality, couple with his inner mind and see just how ready to return to society he was, then he was at least going to do it curled up with a blanket and a cup of Coffee, God dammit. Town hall silently clanged to Six Thirty-four about Fifty feet off.

Alex shifted and made his way down to main street and around the Corner. It was a quick walk and the day could not have been nicer, so he cleared his head with other thoughts. He reached into a pocket and withdrew a Blue jay feather, looking a little beaten but still beautiful as ever.

_Three Months earlier, Alex hadn't even been told that the Alchemilla board was reviewing his case, and his sanity. Dr. Brightburg had canceled their therapy session, so he knew something was up. Even that reaffirmed him – while he was making concious descisions about what was happening around him, Jacob Reese was sitting in a chair and hadn't moved for Three hours, and hadn't moved independently for Thirteen years. Jamie mothet was either high on Life or High on a mix of oxycodone and cough medicine. She was his favorite, she always had an upbeat attitude. When he first told her that his brother was missing, she replied "Everyone's somewhere, Darling." When Dr. Brightburg had him tell everyone in his Wing that his brother was actually killed by him, she had put an arm on his shoulder and gently sighed, "It's interesting, being human, isn't it?"_

_Four days after Alex was told he would be leaving (and told everyone the fact) Jamie Mothet, aged 22, killed herself by self Asphyxiation. That was the second to last time Alex had a major psychotic Episode – one he was able to keep to himself. He was faced once more with Asphyxia, the monster that in his dream was atributed to the Holloway death. This time, however... he lost. The monster strangled him to death with the pillow that had killed Jamie._

_The next morning, when scheduled for Electroshock, he instead went to the Morgue, where he spent an hour with her body. When they found him, he took and hid the only thing he would be able to remember her by – a Blue jay feather. Needless to say, the next 3 months were Arduous, and devestating. Each hour he wasn't being interviewed was an hour he spent either in electroshock, exercise or in his room. But they didn't find the feather. And they didn't give Jamie Mothet back to her family – they buried her. He didn't get to be there, but while he was being wheeled out of electroshock on a gurney, he looked to his left and through a window, and down in the garden, they were burying her._

_And that was the Last time he had a Major Psychotic Episode._

- -

Alex crossed the bridge to the Bartlett Vinyards, a large swath of land covered in Grape vines, nourished by Toluca lake and the tributary rivers feeding into it. On the nearest hill, instead of many rows of Plants, was a squad, Italian looking building with a beautiful Garden overlooked by a patio. Alex gave no attention to it, his eyes downcast and slightly bloodshot, his jacket wrapped tightly around him. He breathed out, and felt cold. It was Sixty out, he was wearing a Jacket, and Felt Cold. He shivered, this time out of dread instead of the chill, and entered the building.

He was met with a cheer as the Head Table – The Elegantly carved wooden table reserved for special occaisions or special Guests – burst into joy. It was lined with familiar and not so familiar faces. The Founding families, and what Elle had always liked to call 'the Auxiliaries' were near the center where some less familiar faces were near the ends. Alex smiled faintly and stepped towards the table, taking it all in.

An open seat in the very middle was waiting for him, flanked on one side by His parents, and on the other side by the Holloway family, with a boy sitting next to Nora – clearly her boyfriend. Across from his Parents was Deputy Wheeler next to him was Doc Finch and in the middle of the table on the other side was Mayor Bartlett. Alex smiled as he approached his seat, and accepted the warm arms on his back and kisses on his cheek as the town stood to greet him.

Alex took his seat and smiled as words surrounded his head, all welcoming, all brilliant and bright. His parents seemed distant as always, but even Lillian but on a faint smile, if it could even be called that. Adam, however, spoke in short sentences to Wheeler, and stared down at the table. No sooner could Alex turn and say 'hello' to even the few around him, Mayor Bartlett stood and lifted a Glass.

"Shepherd's Glen..." he cleared his throat, and the room quieted. "I... would like to not only welcome back the man that will carry on the name of our town, Which has been upheld for two hundred years..." he smiled, "But I would also like to raise a toast to him." he blinked, looking down, "Shepherd's Glen is a unique town... and when we lose one of our own...." The room was quiet as everyone solemnly thought.

_Two of our own..._ Alex could practically hear them think.

"We can hardly recover." he smiled, "But now we have you back, Alex. And boy are you welcome!" he grinned, and the room cheered, about to take their drink, But Bartlett halted them. "I know... that... This town isn't on the best of times." he blinked, and swallowed, "It is... a heavy Job, to Protect this town... sometimes I wonder if I can do it alone." he blinked, silent for a moment, then his smile returned, "But I know I never will have to. See tonight isn't just a celebration of the return of our Town's son... It is a Celebration of everything, this town had accomplished, and Everyone that has made it happen." The people nodded slowly, smiling proudly to each other. Sam Bartlett smiled, "So thank you, Alex Shepherd, and Thank you Shepherd's Glen. I'm the proudest Mayor ever to live." he smiled, and took a swig – downing his glass of wine in one gulp.

Alex smiled and took a sip of his water while everyone else drank alchohol. He faintly smiled, but it faded – quickly. Something about Bartlett's speech was Hauntingly familiar. He narrowed his eyes and looked down at the water, trying to clear his head, trying to shake the feeling, But he didn't seem to be able to...

"_Yeah? Well? Make an appointment in my office..."_

"_What the hell happened to Shepherd's Glen? You're the Mayor, These people are your responsibilty."_

"_Now you listen to me you little asshole. I did everything I could to save those people. But you can't stop what's already been started. What the hell else do you want from me?!"_

"_I'm looking for my Brother Joshua, and I know he used to be friends with your Son. Have you seen either of them?"_

"_...Joey?"_

"_Yeah, Joey... he and My brother were Friends. I need to find him!"_

"_You shouldn't have come back, Alex. Times are bad... People don't trust me Anymore... I can't protect them."_

Alex blinked, looking up at Bartlett. Sam had sat back down, taking another swig from the bottle. He glanced at Alex, "Hey kiddo. Good to have you back..." he blinked, "Can't you drink?"

Alex swallowed, the roof of his mouth dry, "No... H-hospital Orders." The Mayor took another Swig, "Well... the sooner you hit the bottle-"

"The Better." They finished in unison. Sam blinked, setting the glass down, "How'd you know what I was gonna say?" Alex blinked, narrowing his eyes. He glanced at Elle, who was looking at him Curiously. "Alex, are you feeling ok?"

_You shouldn't have come back, Alex._

Alex blinked, and was silent. He opened his mouth to speak, but even if the right words would come to him, he still couldn't explain what was happening. He looked around the table, seeing concerned looks on all of their faces.

_Times are Bad_

He licked his lips and opened his mouth again, his voice finally coming through. "I guess I don't have to Sneeze."

Everyone at the table – and it seemed the table itself, too – laughed.

"_Protect them from What? What did you do?!"_

"_Something has come..."_

- -

Alex walked down the road, leading on a Fairly Inebriated Elle, casually walking down the Road. "Where are they?" Alex asked aloud. He had been looking around For Nora and Ben, her boyfriend, for almost 15 minutes now. He sighed. Well at least it was occupying his mind.

Elle smiled, looking around – though most likely not looking so much for Nora. Alex sighed, shaking his head. "We're never going to find them..." She muttered, and Alex stopped turning around to look at her. That's it.

He sat her down on a bench, "What did you just say?" He asked, scowling.

"We're never... gonna find them." She repeated, looking tired. Alex narrowed his eyes.

"_The whole Town's Falling apart... we're never gonna find them."_

"_Your sister... I didn't know...."_

"Why would you say that? Why that phrase?" he shook his head. "what's going on with everyone?" he asked, exhapserated. He brought his hands to his head and frowned, looking around, pacing slightly until he was looking back down the road to the Vineyard.

"What's wrong with us?" Elle suddenly said, standing. "I just said one thing... and you're the one that's going crazy over it." she swallowed, and paused, suddenly looking ashamed. She say back down and sighed. Alex turned and looked at her.

"Elle... you don't understand." he said slowly, "In... the hospital... I saw you- So often. So clearly..." he looked down, "And I... couldn't save you, I kept losing you, and..." he shook his head, frowning, "I hate this town... I hate having to be here..." he went silent. "...But I need it..." he finished breathlessly.

Elle blinked, looking up at him, "W-we need you too..." she said. Alex turned. Of all the things she could have said... 'then why are you still here?', or 'Why don't you love us anymore', or 'what's happened to you?'... she said that. He blinked, and looked down, "I don't know if I can protect you..."

She blinked, "I do."

**(Dammit... don't know how far the implication goes. Descisions are everywhere in life, especially in writing. Believe you me, Dear Reader, Implied Romance is Not Romance. It is a very blatant lack of it.**

**I will see you next time!)**


	4. Evidence

**Thanks, everyone, for all the comments and Support. Sorry it takes so long for one little chapter.**

Alex walked into his home in the middle of the night with something in his eyes that hadn't been there since he got back from the Hospital, Since a long time ago. He ran a hand over his buzzed hair, looking up the steps. Light shone from the end of the hallway – the TV in the Den still on, but most likely both of his parents asleep. He had left Elle at her home, knowing full well how much she didn't want them to split ways. He had something very important to do, and it wasn't going to wait. Not anymore.

He went down the stairs into the basement, flicking on the light switch as he went down. Rows and rows of Wood foundation making up the basement walls reminded him eerily of the pictures of the European Crypts underneath long standing Cathedrals – piles of skulls making up the very walls of the tunnels. His feel touched dry, solid ground at the bottom of the Stairs. Stepped towards his father hunting room, brushing past the plastic barrier and walking over to the door. He stopped, and stood before it – not wanting to look down, he stared at the dark wood of the door itself. He clenched his fists absentmindedly, and knelt, looking at the door handle.

Nothing but an ornate circle with a slit in the middle stared back.

"Oh God...." he whispered, and stood, running a finger over the groove where the ceremonial dagger would go, acting as half key, half doorknob. He jabbed a fist into the thick door, scowling. "Just tell me!" he said, closing his eyes. He put his back to the door and slid down to the ground, head down, "Just tell me if it's over..."

"What are you doing down here?" Replied the Growling voice of his father. Alex looked up, looking into the Elder Shepherd's eyes.

"How do you open this door, dad?" Alex asked, picking himself up the ground.

Adam's face twisted in confused Anger, "That's My Hunting room, Alex, you're not supposed to go in there-."

"How do you open this Door, Dad?" Alex asked, louder than before, stepping forward. The older man tried to turn away, but Alex moved, staying in front of him. "How?"

"You'll wake your mother, Alex-" Adam tried to say, sounding more afraid than angered.

"HOW DO YOU OPEN THIS DOOR?" Alex shouted, swallowing and stepping back, blinking, suddenly looking shocked by himself.

"I don't know..." Adam admitted, "Just this... Knife..." Alex turned away, putting his hands over his head, breathing heavily, "That my father gave me, and his father before him."

Alex looked back at him, "And you would have given to Josh, right?"

Silence. Adam looked down, and away.

"Why don't we ever go hunting, Dad?" he asked, "Why am I still not allowed in that room? What is it about me that's not enough for you?" he took a step forward, "What was it about Josh?"

Adam didn't look up. "You wouldn't understand, son."

Alex blinked, his eyes furious, "I wouldn't understand – _son?!_" he blinked, and narrowed his eyes, "Try me."

Adam just shook his head, turning mournfully and walking back up the stairs. Alex watched him go, and leaned against the door once more, feeling any motivation he had before quickly draining out of his body, as if sapped by the confrontation which had most likely been the most words they had said to each other since Alex's Return. Despite not feeling tired, Alex slowly sat, and fell into a fitful sleep.

He woke up Eleven hours later feeling no different than before. He rolled his neck, stretching. He walked up the stairs, and glanced around the main room. His parents were most likely still sleeping. He stepped out the front door and wrung his hands, remembering last night. What if? What if his episode had been some kind of a Message, not a Psychotic Episode?

_What if none of that happened because the Sacrifice of one Shephard boy is enough?_ A low voice whispered in the farthest reaches of his mind.

"One for one..." he whispered as he looked up at the Town Hall. So far, the Evidence was against him. He walked up the steps and into the building. Luckily, there was no court in session, so he could walk right into the main room. Judge Holloway stood behind the Podium, writing something in a Folder. He approached her quickly, not stopping. She looked up and smiled.

"Alex, I didn't think I'd see you here today..." she blinked as he didn't stop, "Something I can help you with?"

He rounded the desk and walked over to her, glancing at the podium. "I have to see something." he muttered, and Judge Holloway's face showed concern.

"Are you alright Alex?"

"Yes ju-... Margaret, I just have to see someth-..." he swallowed, looking at a strange cross emblem on the podium. A keyhole sat plainly in the middle. He looked at Judge Holloway, whose face showed something a little deeper than Concern.

Understanding.

"Alex, what are you looking for?" she asked in a faintly demanding tone. He ignored her, going out into the middle of the room. He knelt, looking at the floor almost madly. His hands swept over the stone floor swiftly, looking for an indentation, a crack, any kind of change that would give away the truth.

"Alex?" Holloway seemed to call from behind the podium, "Alex, you're scaring me, what's going on?" she said.

Alex's hands continued searching, scanning the ground for anything, until finally he found a thin, long... yet perfectly straight crack.

He turned breathlessly, still kneeling, glancing around the room. He looked at Judge Holloway who returned his gaze with a dim frown and narrow eyes.

"For God's Sake, Judge Holloway..." he said with wide eyes, standing, "What's happening? What's happening, Please, you have to know!"

The Judge looked at him, her face Angry, "You stay away from my daughters, Alex." she said sternly, "I don't want you anywhere near them."

Alex blinked, his eyes wide, confused, "Aren't you listening to me?!" he cried, looking at her, "Focus, Bitch! There's Something Wrong with Shepherd's Glen!" he exclaimed, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"There's Something Wrong you _You_!" She replied. Alex let go and stepped back, shocked. He looked away. "Just how Messed up are you?" Holloway continued, Stepping back, terrified. Alex took a few steps back, equally shocked. He swallowed, and turned, heading out the door. He stumbled down the steps and towards the street. He sat on the bottom step, glancing around. Something occurred to him then and there – if he kept acting like this, he was going to end up back at Alchemilla, and probably never be able to get out. Was it worth it?

The Very possible reality that he may very well still be In Alchemilla Dawned upon him for the briefest of moments.

Was it even Real, or was he honestly just seeing things still? Hearing things? Was anything he'd seen today true? Had he even spoken to his father? Judge Holloway? His entire experience so far had seemed faintly like a room which had recently been painted and had the furniture rearranged – It had little or no resemblance to what the room used to be - But it was still, in essence the Same Room. The Exact Same Room. Right down to familiar Phrases, flashbacks, and objects he knew wouldn't exist if it was a good world. He was experiencing everything as he had before, sans the monsters and broken streets.

Just Rearranged Furniture. The Paint's Still there under the new coat.

Alex stood, rubbing the back of his neck. Enough wondering, enough worrying - He needed an independent Party, someone that wouldn't know about the sacrifice even if it was real.

"No, I can't keep thinking about it like this!" he said, standing. "I can't keep validating it!" he swallowed, and looked down. A duo walking past him hand in hand, irked by his sudden outburst, shot him a glare, little to Alex's interest.

_But this could be my last chance to know – to find out what's really going on... whether I'm Crazy... or whether there really is something In Shepherd's Glen. _He thought, and clenched his fists, looking around. He already knew who would be the only one to go to.

_But Do I really want to Involve Elle in all of this? _He thought, looking down Sullenly. _She'll think I _am_ insane._

Alex stood, and looked down, realizing he was still wearing the button shirt and thin black tie from last night. He glanced around, and wondered if he should either bother going home to change. Maybe it was time he resigned himself to his fate. Maybe it was time he accepted that, whether there's something wrong with the town, or there's something wrong with him, he would never be able to live a life in Shepherd's Glen. He could leave. Their own Favorite son going out into the world, away from Toluca Lake, away from the State, maybe move to someplace a little warmer... with clearer weather. To a place where nobody knew you, and nobody would ever expect a single damn thing from you other than what you take upon yourself.

…_.No._

No, not yet. He had to know. And he had to see her one more time.

Alex walked to the street, and turned, heading home. As he walked, he started picking up speed – first only walking slowly, then quickly, then Jogging, then practically sprinting. He went up the steps to their porch and in the door quickly, and headed up the stairs. Without thinking, he entered his and Josh's old room, headed to the closet. He pulled out a pair of Jeans and an old Jacket – Desert Camo, with a US flag Patch on the shoulder his mother had accidentally put on backwards. He looked down at the Jacket and Nodded acceptingly. This is the way it should be. He donned the jacket over a black T-shirt and headed downstairs to the Kitchen, to the Phone. He Dialed Elle's number and waited for a respone.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-

Elle's phone buzzed audibly as it Vibrated against the table, finally slipping off the Edge and falling the few feet to the floor, flying back up a few inches once, then landing with a faint thud. Elle's Eyes did not turn from the Television Screen. She stared, mouth wide, towards the glowing box, mind blank other than a single Phrase that was entirely alien, yet stuck in her head all the same.

_The Old Gods haven't Left this place...._

She groped mindlessly for her phone, picking it up finally and flipping it open. "A-alex?" she asked, still staring at the TV.

"Elle?" Alex's voice came over through the Phone, faintly. "Elle, It's Alex." There was a long pause, "Elle, can you hear me?"

"Alex..." Elle was finally snapped out of her trance, turning away from the Tv, "Alex, something Horrible has Happened..." she swallowed, and her breathing hitched. She couldn't help but try and keep herself from Telling Alex the News, for a reason she herself couldn't entirely Understand. "Alex, Scarlet Finch has disappeared..."

Alex blinked, and almost dropped the Phone. When he had first heard her voice over the Phone, his immediate Instinct had been to forget about all those stupid thoughts he'd been obsessing about and simply ask her to come out and see him, but after she delivered the News, he could barely contain this Radical, Swelling Fear that was blooming – even exploding – in his chest. He felt like a claustrophobic, as if he simply could not deal with these terms, could not _Contain_ the Fear. Be he groped for the Refridgerator and pulled out a carton of something, which a moment later he had found out had been cofee creamer. He took a long, Tasteless drink in the essence of Distraction, and before the Fear could come back to his core, he grabbed the Phone and spoke calmly, smoothly, figuring that if he kept calm and didn't pause, then he could keep it under control.

"Elle, I need you to come to my House right now, I need to ask you a favor." he Spoke, and could practically see the girl nodding on the Other End of the phone.

"I'll be right there, Alex."

"Keep Safe."

- -

Fifteen Minutes Later, Ellie arrived, stepping up the Steps and Knocking on the Door. Alex Opened the Door, and looked her in the Eyes, blinked, and was Silent.

"Alex?" she asked, pausing a moment before Quietly Stepping Past Him and into the room. Alex closed the door, silently Turning. "You wanted to ask me Something?" The woman asked.

Alex stared at her for a moment, and blinked. Leave? Really?

How could he have ever Considered that.

"I just... wanted to ask you if you were Free for... tonight.....?"

Alex Shepherd was mixed with a Feeling of Relaxation and Embarrasement... But a distinct Lack of Fear.

**The Tone of this One was Noticably different, but I think it's going to be vital to the Plot. It occurred to me around Four pages in to delete everything and start again, because it was so different, But I figured I'd kept you waiting long enough.**

**I am sorry for that.**

**I hope you enjoyed it anyways.**


	5. Long Silences

**Hey guys! I have an announcement to make. As you can see, I've just released this Chapter. In commemoration of the One-year mark of this story (One year and less than half a dozen chapters, what more cause is there to celebrate, huh?), another Chapter will be released on the 5th of November. In between, a chapter will be released on Halloween, a charming little pagan holiday celebrated mostly in America on the 31st of October. Three chapters in just a few weeks? Who'd believe it?**

**I apologize beforehand that this Chapter is a mite bit short, as I'd like to get the news out As soon as possible. The Halloween Chapter will be regular length or a little longer, and the Anniversary Chapter will be a Long one.**

**Anyways, here's round one. Enjoy.**

--

Quiet music filled and defined the dark room Alex Shepherd sat in, across from his Childhood friend. A soft piano chord, a humming voice, the occasional crescendo... the music was subtle and understated, but supremely charming. Alex sat and thought of these things and listened during a pause in conversation. There had been many – he and Elle had spent spans of a minute or more just looking at each other, and listening to the music.

_This is so surreal..._ Alex would think to himself., and he knew she was thinking the same thing. At that moment, one of them would laugh and break the silence, feeling like such a long silence should be an uncomfortable silence, and though it wasn't, breaking it as if it were necessary to do so. "I was just-..." One would start, then stop – and anyone watching would be unable to stand just how awkward it appeared. But to Alex and Elle, it was almost startlingly pleasant.

Alex Shepherd sat and listened to the music and thought of all of these things – but he did not think of Mental Hospitals. He did not think of Monsters. He did not think of Cults, or ritual sacrifices. And he did not think of Josh.

And then their meal would come, and Alex would nod to the waiter and Elle would inform him that no, they wouldn't need anything else, thank you. As he looked down at his Meal, Alex's silently segued into a state of panic. _What kind of a Fucking idea is this?_ His mind screamed at him. _You piece of shit, what were you thinking?! _And then Elle asked why he had seemed so strange on the phone earlier, and the panic just as easily subsided.

"Well... it's been a rough couple of days, obviously..." he said, shrugging. Applause as faint as the music filled the room for a moment as the band finished.

"But you sounded so... I don't know, determined..." Elle continued, cocking her head, "are you sure all you wanted to do was ask me out to dinner?"

Alex swallowed silently, and looked down. "Well, Elle... I just really needed to see you." he said, and it was true – technically.

Elle blinked, "Alex, I'm worried about you. You can tell me."

Alex swallowed, "Last night, when I said I... saw you a lot, in the Hospital... It wasn't just vivid... it was life, it was like I was in a movie, a movie full of monsters and demons and dead kids...." he swallowed, "And I kept losing you." he said, saying the last part as if it was the worst of them all. "And... and now that I'm back it's like the movie won't end no matter how hard I try to leave the damn theater..." he shook his head, frustrated.

"What do you mean?" Elle asked tenatively.

"I mean that I might still be crazy..." Alex said, running a hand over his scalp. "and I can't help but think that I... that I might never have been crazy at all!" he said, trying to contain the emotion in his voice, "and that's the scariest thing of all." he looked at her, directly. "And I don't want to go back, to the hospital, or to whatever hell I or my mind was in... dammit Elle I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to lose you." he swallowed, "Again."

Elle watched him, her eyes wide as he spoke, and when he finished, she looked down, at her hands, for only the briefest of moments – then looked up at him with that Determined look on her face. That look struck his heart with raw emotion, Fear and appreciation and... well, admiration will have to suffice.

"Okay." she started, "Tell me how to help you." she said, each word, each syllable as resolved as steel, but not nearly as cold.

Some part deep in Alex's mind, without his consent, thought _Well I guess I can be sure this isn't a hallucination. In it Nobody ever helped me... I had to help everyone myself._ An even deeper part whispered _And look where that got you._

But for now, Alex had to resign himself to being completely reliant on somebody else's help – something any soldier, even fake ones, are adverse to.

"Oh Christ, thank you Elle..." he breathed, looking at her. "thank you..."

Elle looked at him, her face softening. "Well Alex, I... don't want to lose you either."

–

So they sat on the Porch of Elle's place until one in the morning as Alex told her story of his Homecoming that had first started Five and a half years ago, which he had been reliving ever since. He withheld absolutely no details, even though he had intended to – when he started he didn't want to tell her about Nora's 'death', but he couldn't stop himself once he'd started. When Margaret Holloway arrived home from work, they pretended that they were talking about Music, and he could barely hold the story inside him as he did so. But Judge Holloway did little more than shoot him a warning look and walk into the house.

When Alex first mentioned Silent Hill, Elle stiffled a Laugh. "What?" Alex asked, looking surprised.

"Alex, that's Outrageous! Silent Hill was a trashy movie that we saw a few years before you left." she laughed.

Alex furrowed his brow and thought hard, "Fuck, you're right..." he said, bewildered, and laughed a little along with her.

At last, after nightfall, Alex described how he had woken from the nightmare, and found himself in Electroshock; how he had spent the next four years drifting in and out of psychotic states, only able to make minor progress at best. He spoke of how he had finally really returned, and so much of what he had seen had come true.

"Everything I heard... Sam Bartlett's speech, when your Mom greeted me... and the Door handle to my Dad's Hunting room..." he breathed, "Everything... And when I found the keyhole in the Town hall, your Mom told me... that she didn't want me seeing you or Nora." he looked at Elle. "God Elle, tell me that I'm missing something, please!" he said, "I just can't stand not knowing anymore, dammit..." he shook his head and looked forward.

Elle looked at him. "We'll do what you said, if you really want to. We'll go together to check your Basement, and we'll stick together as much as possible." she swallowed, "And if I see it all to... then I guess it'd be not much of a good idea for either of us to stay in town." As she spoke, she frowned, eyes downcast.

Alex nodded, "Do you think we should try tonight?"

Elle looked up at the Sky, frowning. She was silent for a long moment. This was a different Silence – it troubled Alex. It made him think of Monsters and Cults and Josh. He wanted to end it but didn't dare do so.

"You said..." she said quietly, "That you... didn't want to go anywhere... not back to the Hospital, or to... you know. And neither would I." she finally looked over at him, "But does that mean you could stay here? I mean... can't we.... ignore it? Can it bother... us if you move on?" she looked at him, "I... I've missed you... I've missed you Terribly, Alex." she looked down, and it looked like she might even have been crying. "I just waited, and waited and waited... and listened to every bit of news... and nothing was worthwhile when you were gone..."

Alex looked at her, blinking. He put an arm around her shoulder and spoke, "I... don't know what to say..."

"I just want to stay with you, Alex." she said, "I want things to be back to normal."

Alex looked down, looking worried. Had he ignored it at Dinner? He didn't even have to ignore it, it wasn't there at dinner. Just him and her, no Josh, no Judge Holloway or Adam Shepherd. He felt as if he would explode from the thoughts, the confusion, the options. Was he still crazy? If so should he go back to the Hospital? Was he just freaking out? That was clearly the most appealing option.

But the last option was the one that scared him most, the option that his episode had either really happened - and by succeeding he had reset things -or had been some kind of sign. Some kind of Godsend. Thinking of that option worried him, because he knew that thinking light that was only Validating it, only showing the Madness that it was worth considering. But he was Sick – he was sick of worrying, sick of being afraid. He was Home, and that's just not fair that he doesn't even get to rest in his own Hometown. Not Fucking **fair**.

Alex looked at Elle, opened his mouth, closed it, then finally spoke.

"Lets sleep on it."

**So I told you it was short. Sorry. Hopefully I didn't screw everything up this time, that is pretty much a constant fear with this Story because I have no clue whatsoever about what it is you guys like so much, or what I'm doing right.**

**Two more very soon!**

**(PS I still hate Implied Romance)**


	6. Refutation

**Okay! Here's round two for Halloween night, 2009.**

That night, Alex Shepherd Dreamed.

He had not Dreamed on any of the nights since his return from dreaded Alchemilla; He had merely slept in a darkness as unremarkable and unremembered as the morning coffee after sleep or a glass of water before. On the soft chair in Elle's room, he slept with his feet up on her bed, his arms crossed, and his head resting against the side of the chair. He looked remarkably at peace, and the entire situation was so much like living in the past - his friendship with Elle so Vivid and unchanged – despite the constant reminders of the present, some better than others, that were everywhere.

There was no shadow on his face of the nightmare he was having.

He found himself standing knee deep in some liquid, thick and dank, a foul smell coming from it. He stared down into it, seeing the faint silhouette of his shadow staring back at him, strangely shaped and unknown to him. He reached to run a hand through his hair (Or to touch his bare scalp as he had done since his hospitalization, he didn't know which one had thought to do), but his hand came to touch something rough and hard. He pulled and moved his hands before his eyes, and in them was an army Helmet with an American Flag sewn backwards onto the front.

He looked up and saw mounds of dirt looking like a cross between the worlds smallest-in-scale series of hills, and the most pronounced graves he had ever seen. The Earth itself was a gray-brown, the color of mingled ash and loose earth. The sky was clouded, red and bloated somehow, oppressive to him as he stared up into it. He heard nothing but a dim whine in his ears, and looked down to see a Machine gun, distantly recognized as an M-16, in his hands in place of the helmet he'd had seconds ago. As he noticed the fierce and bony looking weapon, the hearing slowly came back to his ears, and he wished that he hadn't. All around him were the sounds of Gunfire, explosions, and worst of all screams, the screams of dying men.

He pulled himself out of the hole that he was in, looking down at his wet boots and nearly tripping over a Root. He started running through the Trees, shoving aside branches with his M1, hefting his pack, and distantly his waking mind thought _Trees? Branches? Where did they come from? Where am I?_ The minds thoughts were buried under the pressing intensity of the Dream, the dream that seemed necessary and powerful. _Fuck Logic,_ The Dream seemed to reply shamelessly, jamming agony into his back and arms as Alex mindlessly pulled himself up the side of a ravine.

"Adam!" Someone shouted from over his shoulder, and without even thinking Alex turned around and looked to see a faceless man in combat gear, a faceless man drenched in blood. "Shepherd!" The voice was coming from nowhere, but at the same time he knew it was the Faceless man talking. "Colonel Shepherd get your head out of the Fucking sky and get out of here! You're not supposed to be here! Get back to Fort Bragg! You Don't Belong here!" and as the voice screamed, his face became that of Alex's father himself. "You're not supposed to be here!" He repeated, now in Adam Shepherd's Voice, "And If I ever catch you in here again... I'll Kill you! I'll drown you in the Bathtub! I'll-" his voice was cut short as something or someone hit him over the head with the butt of a Pistol. The reaction was instant, but Adam didn't just fall down – he was torn in half, diagonally from one Shoulder to the opposite Side. Blood sprayed everywhere.

Behind where Adam stood, Curtis Ackers held loosely onto the Circular Saw in one hand and the Old broken Revolver in the other. He stood Neutrally, arms at his side, but still seemed intensely Menacing. "You can't stop it..." he said, his voice low and cracked, "Isn't that right... _Soldier_?"

He slipped from dream to dream aimlessly, in a tumultuous state of Limbo. In one dream, he was in the middle of a thick Fog – so thick that nothing could be seen. No matter what direction he ran in, or how quickly he went, he never reached anything. In another, he was being Mauled by by the Hideous Dog-beasts he'd seen in his mind, the pain intense and real, but he was never able to die. In most likely the most horrifying of all his dreams, he was drowning underwater, deep where there was only the faintest of light could be discerned. He felt like he could not take it as he mindlessly went through the task of Sacrificing the children – each time he sacrificed one, however, it was Elle he was burying, cutting, choking, drowning.

He was trapped in an apartment, dark and unfriendly, doorways leading to nothing, candles everywhere, and a horrifying, screaming fear at something he could not describe or understand, despite deep down knowing it and even thinking it; t_he Corpse at the end of the Hallway, the corpse at the end of the hallway oh Christ... _He descended the stairway to where he found Doc Finch a thousand times, but never reached the bottom. He was screaming, fighting, bleeding, dying, and still he just slept silently and soundlessly with his feet on the bed, not stirring, looking as peaceful as ever.

He spent hours – almost all of the night, at least – in this state, back and forth between different Hells. Some part of his was Conscious, some part that _did_ tell him that it was only a dream, just like you're supposed to tell yourself when you can't bear how real something terrible is. But the fact that he could never wake up begged to differ. The Fact that the Dream seemed to utterly refute such thoughts disrupted any peace he could make for himself in a bed of Denial and Ignorance.

It wasn't until Nine Forty-five that he woke up, when Elle moved over to him, nudged him with her knee, and quietly said "Alex..."

Alex sat bolt upright and let out a Hoarse Scream.

–

Judge Holloway sat in a Makeshift Courtroom – more specifically her kitchen – this time, thought, she was not the Judge. She was the one on Trial. Alex looked at her, his eyes cold and bright, his jaw clenched. Elle stood next to him, as stern as he was.

"I think I've just got our answer." Alex had said after Elle calmed him down – he had screamed for several moments after his dream. "There's no turning our backs on this. Either it's real, or I'm... never getting better."

Elle had looked Crushed, but still resolute. To her, the best of the options had been marked off. Alex didn't know which one came next on her list and didn't want to – the realization of the corruption of your Hometown, or the loss of Alex. It seemed like an awful choice, one that nobody should ever have to go through.

In any case, from where he stood at that moment, in Judge Holloway's Kitchen, Elle was determined to try to unearth the lesser of two evils.

"What's wrong with this town, Mom?" she asked, arms crossed. Judge Holloway looked back defiantly, hands behind her resting on the table she was leaning against. They looked very similar, and it was almost Eerie. But there was enough age on the elder face to separate them. In Margaret's face there was beauty past; in Elle's face there was beauty denied.

When Judge Holloway answered, she spoke to Alex instead of her daughter. "I told you, Alex. I don't want you hanging around my Children."

"Why?!" Elle shouted, her face looking shocked.

Margaret looked down, clearly thinking to herself, weighing her options. She looked back up at Elle and addressed her finally, "Why?" she rolled her Jaw, almost disdainfully. "Look at yourself, Elle. 'what's wrong with this town'? What did he say to you?" She shook her head "You're accusing me of something and you don't even know what it is. You've bought completely into the ravings of a Lunatic, Elle..." She said, gesturing with her hand as she spoke. "I would have thought you'd have learned a lesson like that from...."

"This is not about him." Elle scowled violently.

A silence filled the room for a moment, and Alex looked from Woman to woman. An unseen conversation sped between them – not sped, precisely but more of Danced. A slight raised eyebrow in response to a change of hand positioning seemed to mean paragraphs between the two. The Silence was dangerous, so Alex spoke, "This is about the town."

Margaret stared vehemently back at them. She looked at Elle, "He spent the last six years in the Mental Hospital, Elle. He killed his brother."

"You bitch!" Alex breathed, turning sharply and looking at her. He felt sharp anger in him, but it was oddly dulled. It was mingled with a strange – an incredibly, frightfully strange – feeling of relief. For an instant he had time to ponder it, and the answer seemed obvious enough after a moment – nobody in the entire time since Josh's death had anyone said that to him. He hadn't even heard the words, and he didn't exactly think he'd ever thought it himself. He **had** killed his brother.

_I killed my Brother._

"It's not like you didn't." Margaret replied stonily.

Alex stepped closer, "Why won't you just answer the Question. Why won't you even deny it!" his voice gained in volume as he spoke. Like his brother, it was an issue that people had constantly Danced around. When had anyone answered a question he had asked? The topic had been changed, or he had been ignored. It was, for lack of better term... driving him crazy.

"Because I don't know what to Deny, Alex! What do you even mean?"

"The cracks in the floor... the Doorknobs to my dad's Hunting room," all the power had gone out of his voice. He spoke weakly, his mouth suddenly very dry. He saw then he was losing, and that he couldn't win. _Try anyways..._ "and the cemetery tombs... we checked them, just the same Keyhole... It's all just like-"

"Just like what, Alex?" she cut him out loudly, standing up straight. Only then he realized how ridiculous what he had just said would have sounded like to an outsider. Her voice was lowered, now menacing. "You don't think they sent me your psychiatric review? You don't think I know about your little... episodes?" she swallowed, stepping closer. Alex was backing up now, surprised. "Your deranged, Shepherd. You're Delusional." she shook her head, "I'm going to suggest to your parents and to the hospital that you're not ready for the real world yet."

Elle's looked terrified, "You Can't!"

"Why can't I?" Margaret turned on her daughter, "Elle..." her voice cracked, and she looked down, "Elle you've been fixated on him..." she said, now quieter. "You've got to forget about him..." Alex opened his mouth to protest, but no words came out. "You can't waste your life waiting for an old friend to get over something he did... He's dragging you down, Elle."

Elle looked at her Mother miserably, shaking her head. She looked almost about to cry – something uncommon for such a tough woman. Without a word, she turned and started out of the room.

Alex looked at Margaret for a moment and narrowed his eyes, "The signs...They exist. The report may say that I imagined them, but I've seen them here. So you can get rid of me, you can try... but there is something wrong with Shepherd's Glen." he narrowed his eyes. "There is." he turned, and walked out the door.

Outside, Elle sat on the curb. Alex quickly walked across the lawn and over to her and sat next to her, looking at her. He had been right – she was crying, not much but crying all the same. He silently put a hand on her shoulder, unblinking.

"She's wrong..." Elle said quietly after a moment, "You've never dragged me down..." she shook her head, and turned, looking up at Alex, wide eyes. "Why? Why does it have to be like this? Why can't things just..." she trailed off, eyebrows furrowed.

"Go back to normal?" Alex said, looking back at her. She nodded, and he blinked. "Things have... never been normal." he said. And it never had. Something had spurred his mind into showing him the events of his homecoming, and bit by bit, day by day the thought that it was spurred by Josh's death seemed less and less likely. That was the worst part – he felt terrible going back, he didn't want to turn away from acceptance (accepting you have a problem_ is _the first step to recovery after all, isn't it?), he didn't want to stop accepting Responsibility, as well as Reality. If he stopped accepting Responsibility and kept accepting reality, he would have gotten nowhere since his episodes. Reality without responsibility wasn't somewhere he wanted to be, it wasn't controllable or helpful.

_It's Madness, that's what it is... _he thought, _Reality without Responsibility... _He looked at Elle, and once more the thought of the possibility that none of this was real crossed his mind once more. But just like his dream seemed to refute reality's ability to get back, Elle's face refuted that thought. It just simply proved it wrong, despite seeming to be completely unrelated. It made that thought Irrelevant, and brought another thought to mind: _Elle is Crying... Elle is not supposed to be Crying. You can't let her cry... _That responsibility, that need to protect her was too real to be imagined, it seemed. He was good at lying to himself, good at Denying. After all he'd been doing it all his life, denying that his parents loved Josh more, denying the constant thought that there was something utterly wrong about his life. But that was just denial, a trick, a lie. The only thing that seemed helpful in this situation was utter refutation. It came out of nowhere from time to time, so he had to utilize it.

And in Hindsight, that is pretty much Exactly why he Kissed her.

More or Less.

**Hahaha, that's my Trick for Halloween, A Cliffhanger, Dreaded Cliffhanger! I hope you enjoyed it, and I have finally murdered my long time Rival Implied Romance. I hope you don't Lynch me. I'm really fond of this Chapter, especially the Dream part. I hope you liked it too.**

**Happy Halloween, and see you November Fifth. Remember it, please. It shouldn't be forgot.**


	7. Believe it or not, everything's okay

**I owe everyone a huge apology. I promised three and only delivered two chapters, then disappeared for a LONG time. Truth is, I didn't have the third one written when I announced that there would be three, and writers block hit hard. I knew where to go with the chapter but not where to start (never having truly written romance, obviously). But I resolved to sit down and fight through at least the beginning of a chapter, so the rest would come easily. I hope it's alright.**

That night, Alex realized that the only time he was ever really happy was when he was with Elle. For example, the First time Alex had ever had a truly perfect night, it had involved her. He was fourteen, and they were both about to go into high school. It was her Birthday, and he knew what everyone was thinking when she asked to have a sleepover and to be able to invite him. He didn't care what any of them thought, though – if he could be allowed one thing after being refused loving parents, a warm hometown and a good childhood, he could at least be allowed one last hurrah, a send off to the simpler days. At the end of the Day, Judge Holloway had relented, allowing a supervised party.

Nothing had put a stain on that night's memory. Nothing had marred it's perfection. Josh had been there as well, staying with them until he was too tired, and afterwards Alex and Elle stayed up until morning, being Kids – but not just kids. They were both children, and the templates for the people they would become – Serious and devoted, and Caring with a strong front. They were strong that night, in the face of a town's involvement. Ignoring it. Refuting it, utterly. The town had no hold on them that night, and it was perfect.

That night, after the Six long Years and Alex's storytelling, they were free of the town once more, for a night. There was some strength in knowing that the Uncertainty could be banished by the sight of her face, or the sound of her voice. Denial was so old and worn, and he knew that it's failure was why his mind had broken. He had found a better shield to use to defend against a world (or a town) that conspired to bring them down into the mud. _She_ was his shield, and in a moment of pure light and joy, Alex realized that he, too, was her shield. All things clicked together and the world fell back into order in that kiss, as one of the divined lovers, meant to be together – Romeo and Juliette, the characters in a thousand stories and films, all variations on the same meaning - came together. Love was in that kiss, greater than Brutish coupling driven by nature and nurture, but a higher thing than such, and sanity itself belonged inside it – though what in the hell does that even mean?

But that wasn't how it really happened, Was it?

No.

Utter refutations seemed pretty on paper, but to Alex, kissing Elle felt too wrong. The old adage that Love conquered all twisted his stomach, which shouted 'Not crippling mental instability, Alex! Love does not conquer that!' Maybe the pit in his gut was simply fear, fear of change or fear of revealing his emotions, but something told him that all was not as it seemed. He leaned back, away from her, and looked into her confused eyes for a moment before beginning to speak, unaware at first what he was even going to say, "...Where did you say your sister went to school again?"

Elle Paused for several seconds, staring into his face with question after question pouring unsaid through her eyes and to him – namely among them, he could guess, is 'what the hell are you talking about', 'what's going on', and probably number one on the list, 'what the fuck?'. But she merely swallowed once, absentmindedly licked her lips and said "Silent Hill High School."

The world Froze.

_Alex spent several Hours like that, talking with the Holloway sisters about how things had changed, what Elle was doing, and how High school in Silent Hill was going for Nora (Shepherds Glen did not have its own high school). _

_--_

_Elle stifled a Laugh. "What?" Alex asked, looking surprised._

_"Alex, that's Outrageous! Silent Hill was a trashy movie that we saw a few years before you left." she laughed._

_Alex furrowed his brow and thought hard, "Fuck, you're right..." he said, bewildered, and laughed a little along with her._

_--_

"What?" Elle asked, Confused. She looked at him again, and Alex guessed that she might be thinking he was crazy, and not even seeing the Irony.

"Why don't you tell me what the fuck is going on, Elle?" Alex gasped, his eyebrows furrowing. "Silent Hill was Movie we saw, wasn't it? Or is it the town across Toluca lake where Nora goes to high school, with the Prison and the Church where my Father was killed by the Red Pyramid?" he gasped, barely realizing he had started to Hyperventilate. Elle slowly shook her head, regarding him seriously. A look of defeat and even disappointment was on her face, and she started to speak, but he cut her off. "You too? God Elle, you're... No! Fuck that, No!" he stood and stumbled backwards, bumping into the porch's railing. "You've got to be kidding me!" he said, but he had used all of his Denial reserves up a long time ago. He couldn't turn his back on this.

"Alex, you have to understand," Elle started, "They just wanted someone to listen to what you had to say. They thought it would get it out of your system if someone listened to you. Silent hill really doesn't exist. It was a movie, I just slipped up when I told you that, I-"

"I'd really like to believe you, Elle, I really would, but I just fucking can't anymore." Alex had tried to keep backing up, to no avail, and had his hands clenched against his temples.

"Remember, you thought Sean Bean's voice was funny. Remember that, Alex. You didn't think he should have been in it and the-"

"Just stop it!" Alex said, turning and going down the rest of the steps, backing away from her quickly. Everything was coming together now, to him, but in an ugly kind of way, if a poorly constructed clay pot had broken on the floor and somebody tried to reassemble it with masking tape instead of Glue.

"Alex, I'm sorry..." Elle was almost on the verge of tears again, "I really, really didn't want to do it I just had to listen to you, and my mom was the one pushing for it, the bitch..." She swore, shaking her head, "She just wanted to bait you along, to make you crack again by scaring you like this, I just-"

"God dammit aren't you listening to me I don't want to hear-"

White.

Things were White.

Not that everything went white, but everything had taken on an unearthly white glow.

Granted, there wasn't much to look at, he was lying face up on the pavement, staring upwards. But what he could see was strangely bright.

"Jesus Christ, what did you do?" Elle's voice came from the left. It was fraught with panic, and Alex almost believed for a second that she still did care about him and not everything coming out of her mouth was a lie.

"I didn't... he just backed right up into the road..." a man said, stepping into Alex's view. He wore a flannel jacket with a beige vest over it, and a trucker hat. Alex recognized him immediately.

"Grady..." he let out with what felt like his last mortal breath. He managed to draw in again, "Travis Grady..."

"How does he know my name?" the man asked, looking down in confusion at Alex.

Things were getting hard to hold on to.

If it could be believed,

things were actually

getting brighter.

Alex sighed.

--

Alex Groaned.

A bandage was wrapped around his head, blood stains on the left side, his head once again completely shaved. His eyes flickered open to the tan-yellow light of the room, and glanced around for a doctor. He couldn't remember how he was injured, but he was pretty sure it was something bad. He was starting to get used to the light when a doctor came in, her hair up in a bun. She reminded him vaguely in Elle, but not in a mental break kind of way. She simply looked a little like her.

"Hello Corporal." She started, looking down on him with a smile, "I'm glad to see you're away. You squad was hit hard out there." Alex's heart Skipped a beat. Not this shit again.

"I'm not... not... in the..." he started, gasping through his dry mouth, trying to get it through to her. He wasn't in denial anymore, damn it! He was past that! _Crazy people don't explain their insanity to the people in their hallucinations... do they?_

"Here, drink this." she said, handing him a cool paper cup of water. As the ice-cold liquid sated his thirst and ran down his throat, he realized how warm it was. He glanced out the window for a moment and saw a desert landscape, with tents in an area surrounded by an old brick wall. He glanced back up at her, disturbed and worried.

"I'm not in the war. I'm not a soldier, I'm insane." he claimed, but she just looked down on him, smiling. She reached over to the bed stand and grabbed a chart, showing it to him. "Shepherd. Corporal. See?"

"Could be my father-"

"It's dated." She retorted, "And it says Alex right here." she continued to smile down on him, her eyes full of kindness and concern. "You sustained a serious blow to the head, and some shrapnel Damage, Corporal."

"I'm not... in the military. You have to listen to me. I spent Six years... six of the longest years of my life in Alchemilla Hospital." he furrowed his brow, trying to remember the name of the town that it was in.

"You want me to look up your patient history?" she asked coolly, tilted her head slightly in interest. She stepped over to a computer and deftly tapped on the keys, clicking her way through screens. Alex stared at her back intensely, subconsciously focusing on the fibers of her doctor's coat to keep himself from thinking of the ramifications that are possible from being an actual Soldier. A part of him refused to allow him to accept it. That was the first thing he did after he killed his brother – Went to the hero story. He wasn't going back to square one at this point.

"Right here. Born, Shepherd's Glen – huh, funny. Same name as the town." she turned and smiled at him again. "What else... raised there, went to high school...." she paused, and Alex cringed, "Beaumont Valley High. Enlisted at Eighteen. That's all there is, no previous injuries, medical history... nothing, really."

"I spent all those years thinking I was a... a Soldier! But it was a delusion!" he cried, looking at her angrily. But it didn't break her smile, or even make it seem less genuine.

"Maybe that was the delusion and this is real." she said, casually deploying a tactical nuke underneath every mad thought he'd have in god knows how long. He glanced at her, his hands shaking slightly, sweat forming on his brow. She turned back to the computer and typed in a few more words. "Alchemilla Hospital... let's see." she turned back to look at him, "It's a level in a video game." she said, chuckling slightly. "You have quite the dreams, Corpo-"

"First a Film and now a Video game... what the fuck is going on, Doctor!" he shouted, his eyes wide and full of fear.

"You sustained a head injury, which caused a severe concussion." she replied, sighing. "This disorientation will leave you soon, Corporal." she said, and turned towards the door. She walked out without another word, and left Alex to stare down at the sheets of his Hospital bed and wait for a flash to come and take him to a ghost town, or face to face with a monster, or medieval Europe, he didn't really give a fuck at this point. He just didn't want to be here. Somehow, some way, finding out that he was right all along – or at least finding himself where he kept saying he was supposed to be – was worse than wandering through realms of madness. He knew that if he was stumbling through terrifying hallucinations, he was at least fighting it. Slipping into the fog and being lost forever was scarier than anything he could have thought of or his mind could have constructed on it's own. The thought of one of the hallucinations actually _winning_ and never giving him a chance to break free...

Alex shuddered, and found himself accepting responsibility but not reality. It just didn't make sense that things would end up perfectly fine at the end of the day.

**Call me a Cynic ;] Given the choice between more of that Romantic Drivel (no offense) and more ambiguous madness, well... what do you expect? Don't expect this to be the end of the story though, people. Tell me what you think!**


End file.
